Is Life Over Now?

Dear Diary- 2/6

So many different emotions are clouding my head now.  How could so much happen to me in such a short period of time? I'm overwhelmed and I don't know what to do.

The climbing trip was okay, but Mountain guy is a liar.  He told me he was experienced with climbing, but he did not even know the basics! Made me so angry that he screwed up our ascent to the peak.  We were only 500 feet from the summit and we ended up sliding on our butts down the mountain.  Ass. He could have gotten us killed.

It had been 3 days since I slept in a bed and had a shower.  Mountain guy pulled into this crappy little motel that looked like it had permenant residents of cockroaches.  I asked him not to stop, I didn't feel comfortable going to a motel with him...especially a nasty looing dive like this one. He said he would take a shower and sleep in the truck if that made me feel better.  As tired as I was, I agreed.  I went into the office and paid for a room.

It was...icky.  Dark and smelly, but at that point, I didn't care.  Mountain guy ran to a local grocery store and bought little shampoo bottles and soap.  The bathroom was old and dark, but at least it smelled like someone had cleaned it.  It felt good to have the hot water wash away the climb and tiredness, but somehow I felt myself grow sleepy.

After my shower, Mountain guy went in for his while I flipped through the channels on the old black and white tv in the corner of the room. There was nothing interesting as usual.  I fell asleep.  I had never felt so tired in my life and the bed, though worn and musty, was welcoming.  I drifted away listening to the shower running and the muffled voices on the tv.

I don't know how long I slept, but the next thing I know, I woke up violently shaking.  At first I thought I was sick or something, but I fel this heavy mass on top of me and I couldn't breathe.  I felt this tightening in my throat. Mountain guy was on top of me! He was trying to take off my clothes! I couldn't scream, my throat was constricted too much, but I remember asking to please stop. No, I don't want you to do this.  Please. Stop. No!

I honestly don't remember what happened next.  I woke up, the sun was shining and Mountain guy was passed out snoring on the bed. I was disgusted. I felt violated and unclean, but I still could not remember why.  My head was full of cobwebs.  I ran to the shower to scrub myself clean.  After my shower I kicked Mountain guy in the ribs and told him to take me home.  Wherever that was, I still had not moved into my new apartment yet.

The drive home was quiet.  Me with my foggy thoughts, and him with...with whatever nastiness he had in his head.