What a Turn of Events

Dear Diary - 5/25

OMG!  What a crazy turn of events!  My phone rang yesterday and it was my friend, the man in the glasses!!  He wanted to see how I was doing and I told him that I was not doing well.  I told him I was thinking of moving back home, but I really didn't want to go back there.  I told him how rotten I felt and how everything was just going wrong.  And I told him that it was my birthday.

Do you know what he did?? He said he would pick me up that evening and take me out for my birthday.  Dress nice he said.  So I did...as nice as I could considering the lack of formal wear I had.  I did my hair and makeup but when I looked at myself in the mirror, I looked frail and sickly.  I hope he didn't notice.

When he knocked on my door I was so excited to see him that I threw my arms around him and hugged him with all my might.  I don't know what happened, but I felt this strange feeling.... safety...respect...a sense of belonging...love.  I know that sounds really cheesy.  I was so wrapped up in my strange feelings that I did not realize...my friend did not have on those hideous glasses anymore!He had laser eye surgery and could see without them. I hugged him again.

He handed me a large wrapped box - it was a crock pot and some crock pot cooking books.  He said I could make an easy and filling meal and not spend a lot of time cooking.  Seeing as how I had been living off the vending machine lately, I gladly accepted and smiled.  He was so thoughtful!

Then we went to the restaurant.  It was a 5 star hotel and restaurant where the meals started at $80 a plate!!  I had NEVER been to a place like that before!  It was so nice and quiet and...elegant.  After our meal, my friend must have spoken to the waiter because they came out of the kitchens singing a beautiful melody of Happy Birthday to me - with a violin!! WOW!

Afterward, we walked around the grounds of the hotel. They had a small lake and island and bridge lit up with those garden path lights. It was nice and cool and...dare I say...romantic.  He held my hand in his as we walked and I felt so safe.  It was just us in our own little world and no one else mattered.  Not Mountain guy and not his Raving Psycho Soon To Be Ex.  Just us...

We walked to the island in the quiet of the night.  This is the part that scared me happened next.  He kissed me.  OMG!  My mind flooded with so many thoughts and emotions, I had no idea what to say.  I was scared.  I had so much on my plate and I didn't want to mess up his life anymore than it already was.  I wanted to make it on my own, but suddenly I felt as if I couldn't do it anymore.  I was at the end of my rope and I was about to give in.  It frightened me because I wanted to be with him, but I did not know what was going to happen.  I did not want a relationship after all.  But maybe with the right person...

It was getting late and I cried the entire way home.  I did not want the evening to end. I did not want to go back to that crappy apartment.  I did not want to go to my crappy job.  The thought of it alone made me fell...dead.

My friend, the man formally with glasses, offered again, the spare room in his condo and this time, I gladly accepted.  That night, he took me back to his condo and I fell asleep on his bed.  He said he would take the couch until I got my stuff.  But then...he went back to my apartment and cleaned it out and brought all my things back to store in his garage.

I woke up this morning and I no longer lived in that crappy apartment.  I no longer had to work that crappy job.  He said - "You need time to think about what you are going to do.  You can't do that when you're too busy thinking of how to work and survive in that apartment.  Take as long as you need and I will help you with whatever decision you make."

I called my work and lied "I've got a doctor's appointment, I can't come in today." And I didn't. I'm never going back there again...except to pick up my last paycheck.

What happens next, I have no idea...