At peace?

Dear Diary - 6/15

My friend, the man formally with the glasses, is going on another job interview.  I'm here, alone watching his dogs and cat.  This time, he took the cat to get declawed and I had to pick her up from the vet.  She looked so funny with her front paws wrapped up in bright green bandages, but I felt sorry for her all the same.  I rescued her from the vet and brought her home where she had an interesting time trying to walk up the stairs. I couldn't help but laugh a little.  I think she'll be okay after she heals.  I took the dogs to the little park that is around the corner and toss their ball for them.  They seem to like chasing it at home.  It was fun, and the sunshine felt great.  But more importantly, it is so peaceful! There are no worries here.  There is no nastiness popping up from the kitchen sink. I can do my laundry in a machine, not the tub.  I just feel...

at peace.

I was sorting through the clothes I picked out at the thrift store.  My friend helped me pick some very nice dresses.  I walked out with three HUGE bags of clothes for less than $40.  That would help get me started.  My friend gave me a little bit of money and told me to find more if I needed to, otherwise, use the money to pay any bills I might have, or just save it.  I found a few more tops and some pants at Walmart as well.  I just can't see paying a lot of money for maternity clothes when you only wear them a short time. My friend's t-shirts would do fine. ha!

The only thing that is breaking my peace here are the nightmares.  I still have them. My friend says several times a night even.  He will hear me screaming or crying and he will come into the room and find me shaking.  He held me and rocked me and we talked and finally I drifted back to sleep.  I don't know why, but it feels good to talk about it.  It is therapeutic I think.  After locking away the feelings and nightmares for so long, I think I was finally ready to acknowledge them.

But I could not do it without my friend, the man formally with the glasses.