Food is Good but I Can't Eat

Dear Diary - 6/2

My friend and I were eating dinner on the back porch. He cooked chicken and rice and I tell you, it was the best chicken I had tasted in years!  After living off the vending machine for a long time, it was a welcome meal.

But I couldn't eat.

I had too many things running through my head to enjoy the food and I was crying into my food as I pushed the rice across my plate.  My friend was simply telling me the horrors of his divorce.  It really sounds like his Raving Psycho Soon to be ex really was a Raving Psycho.  She would do really stupid things just to hang on to him.  He told me that his marriage had ended a long time ago when she tried to kill him.  Sheesh! I thought I had it bad being raped.  She sounds like a certified lunatic to me.

But I still couldn't eat.

My mind was wandering around...what was I going to do?  He was looking at getting a transfer with his job because his Raving Psycho soon to be ex was causing trouble with them.  If he moved away, where would I go?  My mother offered a room at her apartment in the East, but I didn't want to go there.  And I certainly couldn't live in a tiny apartment with her and her boyfriend and  my sister with a baby on the way. No way. Moving back to my grandmother's was looking better, but now my grandfather was feeling sick.  I would end up taking care of him.  I wouldn't mind that, but I don't want to be trapped somewhere I really did not want to be.

My friend smiled and patted my hand and handed me some tea.  He said that is why he offered the spare bedroom to me. I needed time to think.

And I do.